ILY

26 September, 2011.

I Love J.

And how we struggle together to do that green light couple workouts in CLEO.

ILY

25th September, 2011. Sunday

I Love J.

Love is the perfect combination of enchanting melody, smell of burning wood, warmth of flickering flame, and the tiny fire sparks that ride with the wind (all floating)@ Bedok Reservoir.

ILY

23 September 2011, Friday

I Love J.

The same guy who cannot even stay awake for 11p.m movie, stayed up till 2.30a.m to see me write essay.

20 September 2011, Tuesday

His thumb is the tissue of my tears.

18 September 2011, Sunday

The Battle of Openness Vs Privacy.

ILY

16 September 2011, Friday

I Love J.

@ a bookstore where it sells mini stickers of weather.
N: Dear, will you stick that 'HOT' sticker on my forehead please?
J: Sure, and will you stick that 'FOGGY' sticker on my eyes?

ILY

14 September 2011, Wednesday

I Love J.
A form of bitter-sweet self-torture.

ILY

13 September 2011, Wednesday

I Love J.
apple watermelon lemonade cherry, the provider of my regular glucose dose.

ILY

12 September 2011, Tuesday

I Love J.
In the midst of unhappiness, he still wipe off the tartar sauce on my jeans.

ILY

11 September 2011, Sunday

I Love J.
Teach me how to fight.

Sometimes, you are the one who found my self-worth.
Other times, you are the one who burn it into ashes.

ILY

26 June 2011, Sunday

I Love J.
And how we fall down together.

ILY

23 June 2011, Thursday

I Love J.

He accepts the devil side of me. The whole of me.

ILY

22 June 2011, Wednesday

I Love J.
I never had a dream so true.

IMY

22 June 2011, Tuesday

I Miss J.
Too hard sometimes.

ILY

20 June 2011, Monday

I Love J.
my love for J grows another centimeter today.

ILY

19 June 2011, Sunday

I Love J.

His 2 line messages from Sarawak.

IMY

18 June 2011, Saturday

IMY.

I've got a surprise call, that makes me super happy for that 5 minute.
And miss you even harder for the next 5 days.

IMY

16 June 2011, Thursday

I Miss J.

Day 2: No messages. No calls.

ILY

15 June 2011, Wednesday

ILY.
The blood red moon will replace your absence tonight, imy.

ILY

14 June 2011, Tuesday

I love J.
He texted ' reli happy to have u with me'.

ILY

13 June 2011, Monday

I love J.
and the eskimo kiss.

ILY

12 June 2011, Sunday

I love J.
so much that I want to squeeze his cheeks right now.

ILY

11 June 2011, Saturday

I love J.
he rings immediately when my heart grows weak.

ILY

10 June 2011, Friday

I love J.
and how we watch the korean doctor drama together till 3.a.m.

I love J.
his monkey smile, that heals all disappointments.

I love J.
He's there for my first success lap in the pool.

Ily

8 June 2011, Wednesday

I love J.
His brows, eyes.
His breath, touch.

I love J.
when he holds my hands and showed the sea urchins our love.
when he holds my hands and wave to the clown fish hiding shyly behind the corals.
when he teach me how to breathe in water.

I love J.
when he bought me and sissy gong cha.
when he hang a dream catcher on my pouch.
when he call.

I love J.
when the city lights beam across the platform
when passion of fire appears magnificantly out of the water
when he holds both of my shoulders and spin me around.

I love J.
when we take bus, when we walk.
and when we sit down.

Oh, J.
this is my love.

and more.

Contraband

15 March 2011, Monday

You are my contraband.

That is forbidden, and yet I had smuggled you into my most sacred hiding place where no one would find. I must admit denial is quite a nice place to stay, it is where you can have some [SeCrEt ImAgInAtIoN].

out of the heart, the mouth speaks

14 March 2011, Monday

They say, " out of the heart, the mouth speaks".
How true is that? I really doubt so.

The mouth speaks of tall, handsome, rich and successful man, but all the heart has is you, not exactly what the mouth have described, or at least not yet.

Sometimes, I wonder where and when can I see you again? If I had accepted NUS's offer, join a band despite all the struggles. and there Tadang! I will be able to see you for at least 2 years?? Oh. and the thought of playing and instrument with you has been a dream of mine(:

oh my, oh my, oh my. but then here I am, NTU, stucked with the reality that I might never see you again.

3 Dying Questions

7 March 2011, Monday

There are 3 dying questions I really wanted to ask.

1. "Were we ever real? Even just for a day."
2. "Would there be a second chance?"
3. "Do you love,". Er, I change my question. "hate me"?

Calls and courage

3 March 2011, Thursday

blue-temptation.tumblr.com

my new tumblr account(: But I decided to keep this blogspot account because of the different emotional strings attached whenever I post an entry. Like a dear diary.

tumblr's quotes really worked, at least for today.
I mastered up some courage to call grandma. Yes, it is that difficult. Have you ever felt this way? You wanted to talk to someone so much, but you don't know what to talk about. I have been delaying this wanting, this call since Chinese New Year! Till tumblr suddenly appeared in my life.

Do you still remember how I first tried to talk to you? I gathered the same courage to make a call, a call for the most insensible reason. A happy birthday greeting, a BELATED birthday, to be more exact one is 1 WEEK BELATED birthday.

Behind those short minutes of calls are increased heartbeat, multiple rehearsal of speech and the actual courage to press "dial".

Call and Courage.

Dreams

02 March 2011, Wednesday

When I couldn't see us in real,
dreams would do the threading of new memories of us.

For me.

Let's meet again, tonight.

1 March 2011, Tuesday

how long more doctor?

My Debt

26 February 2011, Saturday

It's funny sometimes to see myself as someone who seeks Free Advantages. Free Meal, Free Ride, Free Tickets, Free Clothes, Free Books, Free Ice Cream, Free Something and Free Anything.

But if you really knows me, those advantages were never my intentions. In fact, I never like to owe a thing to anyone. Those debts have haunted me almost all my life, debts that don't belongs to me. From then, I figured that the best way to stay away from them is not to take anything that is not mine.

Everything should be a fair exchange. I must earn it.
Sucking benefits wasn't really my intention. I can be a happy giver, but I'm often an awkward taker.

Probability

25 February 2011, Saturday

One day, I will re-look into the Monty Hall Problem till I truly understand it.

Some work of probability, "probability is the branch of mathematics that studies the possible outcomes of given events together with the outcomes' relative likelihoods and distribution"- Wolframe MathWorld.

Sometimes I wonder if there a relationship between "hope" and "probability". It is always probability affecting hope. Can it be the other way round?

Moving Out

I want to move out.

Distance too far is the recent reason.

The main reason remains that I'm sick and tired of taking ALL that never ending trivia responsibilities of others which really irritates me at times. If you think about it carefully, ALWAYS me.

Prison Break

24 February 2011, Thursday

Prison Break isn't in my to-do this for this one week of recess break. Yet it was one of the very few completed things that I have ticked. I really do not have that much of determination and courage like the handsome young man up there, Michael Scofield. If I were to have his determination, I would have make my recess break as meaningful as his prison break by visiting the museam, exercising, reading a new book, playing a new songs, finishing my tutorials and starting on projects, start looking for a flat, painting new colors for my nails that sort of things instead of wasting my holiday in front of a computer.

I still love Prision Break though(:

Roller Coaster, blinded.

23 February 2011, Wednesday

Using your palms to cover my eyes, you take me on a blinded roller coaster ride.
After all these rounds of ups and downs, I thought it have reached the end.
And then, it moves again. I can never tell where is the end. What is an end?

Don't tell me the answer.

(My heatbeat wouldnt slow.)

Number Thoery

21 February 2011, Monday

We have make up lectures on Monday and Tuesday during the recess week.

Number Theory is really one module of complexity. It first sends a screen of question marks to the brain, after 30 minutes of continuous muplication of these screens it produces chills to the spine, then the spine nerve will transmit a message to the hypnotising mechanism to pull down the curtain of my eyes which will finally fill the air above me with integers.

Chapter 6: Prime numbers


Prime numbers are what is left when you have taken all the patterns away. I think prime numbers are like life. They are very logial but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them.

- extract from " The curious incident of the dog in the night time"

Defying Gravity

20 February 2011, Sunday

It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes; and leap

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravilty

Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost

The Hiding Place

19 February, 2011 Saturday

I revisited the corner where I found you hiding.

I wish I had been more irrational and hid with you instead of walking away to put my bags.

I know you would bring me on an escape to somewhere no one would find us.

127 Hours

17 February 2011, Thursday

I went to watch 127 Hours @ NEX with bff today(: [127 is the number of her birthday too]

The scenery at Blue John Canyon is terrifically awesome. I wish I had a chance to personally experience it, to press my face against its surface and trace contours of those beautiful rocks.

I really admire Aron Ralston's spirit of adventure and his strong will to live on. He had to resort to drinking his own pee and amputating his own arm with a tool. That surely takes alot of courage. I tried to imagine if I was trapped in the position like him, what I would do is probably let myself die of starvation and dehydration rather than drink my own pee and cut off my own arm.

The scene of playing c.chess with Xuan Hao suddenly flashed back from 10 years ago. The second that his important piece was eaten by me, he would try to convince me to let him do re-move. When I refuse, he would overturn the board and give up the whole game. After he stomped off, I was the one picking up his flying pieces on the floor. At that time, I thought he was the biggest sore loser. Now I realise that I am no much better than him, if I had to give up one important part of my body that handicapped most of my life, I rather give up my life. I am a sore loser in life. But Arson Ralston is not(: He continues to embark on different expeditions even after he lost an arm. He cut off his arm but not his spirit of adventure.

Some follow up facts:

- The actual footage has only been shown to family and close friends and is kept in a bank vault for safety. James Franco and Danny Boyle were also allowed to view the footage.

- The camcorder used in the movie is the actual one Aron Ralston used when he is in Blue John Canyon

-Ralston did indeed record himself hallucinating, examining his life and drinking his own urine.

- It took 13 men, a winch, and a hydraulic jack to life the boulder high enough to retrieve his arm.

-Ralston went back to the scene of accident with a NBC New Achor to scatter the ashes of his amputated arm over the boulder that had trapped him

(from IMBD)

Valentines @ Hall

14 February, 2011. Monday.

Valentines' Day in our room, saving our tangled loves and savouring the "kiss someone" chocolate.

fly a lantern

3 February 2010, Thursday Happy Chinese New Year


Haha, this is supposed to be posted 3 weeks ago(:

Anyway, I flew a sky lantern, finally. Actually I wanted to do it in Taiwan , and then Din bought me to ADM rooftop to see the sky lantern last year during Mooncake Festival, and then the rapunzel movie came out filled with sky laterns again!(: So in loved with them.

Granpa wishes for good health.
Cousin wishes for good result.
I wish for happiness.

Dear God,
Have you received our lantern of wishes yet?

Sierpinski Valentines

14 February 2011, Monday Happy Valentines' Day





A mathematician's valentine- fractal love.

Sierpinski Valentines to my fb husband, goldfriends, bff, roomie, family and all my loved ones.

and you(:

BBF @ Ajisan

11 February, 2011 Friday

Meet up with BFF, Hazel @ Ajisan for dinner before going to her house for CNY visiting, one of our never-fail events.(: I really appreciates every moment with her and I too really hope that NIE would take her in under PGDE next year! Who knows we might be colleagues in the near future! Her passion for children is one that is rare to find.

replica

12 February 2011, Saturday

I wish there was a replica of you,
forbidden and yet so irreplaceable.

Your hair was long when we first met.

10 February 2011. Wednesday

Samson- Regina Spektor

You are my sweetest downfall.
I loved you first.

Chinese New Year Goldfriends 2011

5 February 2011, Saturday

I had CNY celebration with Goldfriends @ Sophine's place. Other than the usual Chinese new year goodies, oranges and hong baos, there were plenty of cards, alcohol, singing, laughing and vomits.

Beverly introduced us this last king card game that involves much thinking and drinking. Really interesting, especially when you see people start to get tipsy. When Chai Min got the Last King and she was forced to enjoy this uniquely mixed fish soup-wine, and I was thankful that my fb husband helped me drink the soy-wine drink.

Right after the Karaoke session, I vomited like the Suntec City fountain.During the whole time when the wine in my stomach was working against gravity, my dear goldfriends were busy feeding me nuts, sweets, tea etc, and I felt terribly touch by the fact that someone was there to hold my hair back and pat my back with the risk that I might create a mess on their new year clothes.

Thanks to my goldfriends and their courage!

The little match girl

06 February 2011, Sunday




AAAH. forbidden.
Truly, I'm proud of you.
Not your power nor prestige, but your genuine inspiration from heart, intelligence of the mind and pure dilligence at hand.

She striked the match against the wall..
Then the flame went out..
She rubbed another match on the wall..
Then the flame went out..
She lighted another match....

I have had her illusion, but unlimited matches.

Escape Route

1 February 2011, Tuesday

I'm amazed at how you plan your escape route. Clearly, you've vanished right before my sight, which might just be another good thing.

To the lizards.

Military Reunion

War stories.
War soldiers.

The most brutal and yet heartwarming scenes to find.

Engrave Me

I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.

Isiah 49:16

The Bet

26 January 2011, Wednesday

Want people to believe you? - Place a Bet.
It's just a deposit of your belief, refundable.

Animal

You're just a cannibal, and I'm afraid I won't get out alive tonight.

Animal.

Happy 21st Birthday BFF!

23 January 2011, Sunday

Happy 21st Birthday BFF!

"What is a BFF?" a simple question asked , all I could do was grumble and complain while trying to think up of some universally-agreed definition which both of us could no longer fulfill.

BFF is a bitter thought.

Whenever I walked pass the badminton court, I would count to 8 for you without fail and whenever I saw you, just a split second of it, is enough to melt that bitter chocolate in me.

What is a BFF?
You.

Happy 21st Birthday BFF!

IHG- Chinese Chess

3-4 January 2010

It was my earliest memory of you. At 7, When I was begging you to play Tic- Tac- Toe with me, you introduced to me a whole new game, chinese chess. It was the only gift I ever got from you.

Checkmate.