The Diary of a Darkened Soul

The greatest source of optimism, I would say, is Jesus.
He promised to take me home someday. A place where there's no blue, he says.

Head Size

22 March 2012, Thursday

My head is bigger than J, my handsome army boy.
It just couldn't fit into his beret.

Bishan

Bishan,

Whenever I pass by Bishan I remembered the day

You knelt in front of me, holding my knee cap tight together on that swing.

At that sandy playground, I broke to you my darkest and dirtiest secret that even I try to deny.

And you, accepted it with love.

That,That is the story of Bishan.

Lose

To lose,
I'm not ready.

Tired.
Spiritually. Emotionally.
Mentally. Physically.

Socially.

I want to lose myself.
Get lost, get drunk.
I want to float again.

Best Friend w Benefit

Will you, J?

I kneeled down with a humble ring, looking at you intensely in the eye(the window to the soul), and asked 'Will you be my best friend?'

My best friend,
We will celebrate Best Friend Day on 14 February, with candle lights and roses.

My best friend,
Hold my hand and whisper me your deepest secret.

My best friend,
Let me stain your chest with the bleeding of my heart in our embraces and hugs.

My best friend,
Kiss, bite me. I want to feel the lasting pain that infuses your sweetness.

My best friend,
I want to race with you on the sands, feel the somersault on your shoulder into the salty water.

I want to walk with you down the aisle of the chapel and say I do.

till then, you are my best friend. my best friend with benefit.

Take my ring, J.

Warfares

I love J.

Chong asked, 'Have you had a fight with J?'

That sets me thinking, how interesting is the twist of our relationship.

It used to be I fighting J, running to God.

Today, it Is I fighting God, running to J.

I'm so not used to this, my heart was complaining why the shoulder I need to borrow had to be 1.5 hours away, with the change of 1 bus and 3 mrt lines. In the past, this shoulder was just a prayer away.

Oh God, please don't forsake us, US.

I Love J

I love J .

I am punished for having you, my beloved non-believer.

My first experience of sacrificial love.

Of course it matters to me,

Why then,

Would I call it sacrificial?

My beloved, let this not be in vain.