bye bye 2006.

todae marks the end of 06' its gonna to be a new year in less than 8 hrs.

how's the year?

i cant remember anything much happening this year except mugging for exam, studying and studying. datz e major event of the year le bahx..

haix... i don't know wad happen between us le, ever since that day, dere is unspoken barrier dere.( everytime i ask abt it, u juz wun say). maybe not seeing you is the best solution, just leave it dere and move on with our own lives. if i knw this will be your reaction, i wont tell you a single word right frm the begining, i told you becuz i thought you would be happy for mi, but seems dat im VERY WRONG. i also dont know how am i feeling. angry?depress? helpless? sorry? frustrated? its so tormenting!! how i wish i could have a STM and forgot all abt it. im wearing this mask that seems " it's ok, i dont care abt it anymore. i will just carry on with my life happily." but actually underneath this mask, im already froze. i cant seem to function at all.. all the smiles are just so fake.

-unresoleved conflict: are you stealing my joy away??

school reopening..

school reopening soon.. next wednesday, dont know wether its a "yea!" or a "haix.."
"yea!"- it means the start of something new and exciting, make new friends and join a cca..
"hiax..."- it means its the end of the holiday.. got to wake up early to go to sch, still cant get used to it..

and i thought our school will be starting at 8a.m.... but unfortunally NO, just received a bad news frm nyjc's ppl, we got to report @7.00a.m...wahx!!.. some more the grouping are all so different from shuyi and elaine..means i know nobody in my group, will be so lonely *sob sob*.

today went to a steamboat dinner with my family at parkway... wow, just love the soup so so much!!...bt still prefer the steamboat at marina!!

out agian

this afternoon i had a little gathering with baoxuan, elena, and jaslyn @ kovan today. its great. at least, everybody can be friends again, all the misunderstand are now all gone. cheers!! haha, we went to pizza hut to eat..

at night, elena and i went to anglican high school concert@ singapore conference hall. and we met kok guan and winnie during the interval. we sit together and take a few photos. after the concert we even went to east coast to hv a little supper- chicken wing and satay..(yummy, thx!) before they sent us back home.

yea, the concert is great. it has my favourite cartoon( little mermaid)'s theme song by the percussions and my favourite animation movie"( spirited away). song by the whole band. the band did play really well, dere are lots of solo parts frm differecnt sections...and that reminds me of my "phobia"for band. i want to continue to join band in my 3 mth jc, but still wondering wether to take back clarinet... notes to0 high, i cant play well ( sounded like a duck, and like mad ppl screaming!!), notes too fast, i cant play ( yea, my fingers are forever that retarded.. dont ever ask mii to play piece like "clarinet candy"or "fligths of bumber bee"), slow pieces, i gt no breath.. well, i cant think of any part in which i can play well. in the past, after going for a concert, i often felt encouraged to be a better player, finding more rooms where i can improve myself( whether its the tone or the skills etc) but now, dun know why the attitude changes. after going for concert, my worry grow more intense, everybody is like so pro... i cant seem to be able to catch up with them. maybe its becuz after more than half a year never touch my intrument, i lost all the confidence..

wonder how it would feel to play a clarinet agian when go to that new school, i hope by that time all my "phobia"would be gone!!. :)

so wad happen?

yea... we went to the hwa chong concert this tuesday, everything is great in the first place, right from the begining ( other than a bit of ticket problem, which was eventually solved in the last minute), even before we went to dat concert, we were full of anticipation. its good all the way... after sending my sis back, we went to meet xuan hao at library. then we went for a lunch at mac( and saw wee loon, such a coincidence!), then travel down to tajong pagar to meet other band members- amanda, jia hui, nadherra, larry, qi wei, kok tong, hui jun, meiling, leonerd and his gang...

then something goes wrong... it's raining, something is wrong when you went to share umbrella with jia hui... then things go wrong after that all the way till even now!! you wouldnt talk about it... and i dont know how you feel... im sorry if i had done anything to upset you, i guess i know the reason why. bt if i was you, i will give you all my blessing and wish you well, i will make it the greatest night ever.

the concert is indeed the worst concert i had ever went to. its not because of their performance, i cant deny that they did play well. i really enjoy the music that they played for us. its AWESOME!!...especially JERICHO, and CLARINET CANDY, almsot gave mii a fright, i guess i wun ever want to play a clarinet anymore because i wun be able to play such fast music in my entire lifetime..my fingers are just dat retarded!!!...yea, i enjoy their music. but this is the WORST concert because i leave i with a really heavy heart. it's all because you, to see you so unhappy, how can i be happy???... you almost blurted out something that i will really kill myself for it... you are just so blue and downcast...the music becomes nothing to me anymore. i really wish we would work out something, tell mii.....

i really dont wish dat becuz of dat tuesday night, you would not go the concert tml... i want you to go. maybe toghether, we can make that concert a pleasant night and it will resolve all things between us and we will start a new year afresh!! :)

cell retreat

yea.. todae went for the cell retreat. its quite good, we've got worship, bible study, caroling, games and blah blah blah... yea, learnt quite alot of stuffs and have much fun there also!! ( just that bev in the end still did not come.. * sob sob*)

yea.. bought the "phantom of the opera" soundtrack today. finally. had been hoping to buy that for a long time. now still looking for " spirited away" soundtrack, wonder wether is it available??

guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu guozhu

Arxhhh... aarhxx... arhxhhxx... ARRRXH... seven square?

izit juz another joke

broke!!

im broke..
1. im jobless for about 2 months le- meaning only cash OUT, not much cash IN to replenish it.
2. my spening expenditure has been increasing tremendously. take today for example
- morning breakfast with yujie: 2 roti prata and tea $2
-pendum frm causeway point $10.90
-movie" eragon" $7.50
- pop corn + drinks $6.50/2
-dinner $10.70 + a total of 15% tax/2
- birthday present for jia hui ( secret, its a PRESENT. ) just to give you an idea, its 2 digits/2....

well, just one day, i can finish my whole weeks allowances!!... this means that im gonna to STARVE for the rest of the week le. *sob sob*.

btw, today had been a good day.
morning watch sunrise@ punggol end.( actually wanted to upload some AWESOME pictures de, but my brother lost my cable.. so just got to wait till we find the cable.. be patient okie?)- thanks yujie.

den watch movie with xuan, danny, levon, kahray, surin, and jusiang...yea.. "eragon", quite a nice show -dragon rider. den we had dinner at the place where weisheng, kangyan and bailin worked. its so expensive!! our dinner of $10.70+++ only includes the fries and a lemonade. its not even a main course. just the side dishes. you can imagine.

chinese

lol... today went to the library with baoxuan for a short while.. we borrowed some books. Ever since after our chinese 'o' level in june, i hadnt touch chinese till now.. it's only when my mum ask mi to write a new year card to be sent to granny, i realised i even forgot how to write "kuai le",( happy).. and i got my 9 year old sister to write it for me...

wahx.. how can this be? haha... so i decided its time to touch a bit chinese, i hope reading will do some tricks.

tedious day

hiax... todae early in the morning waken by mummi to do all the boring chores...
wash bed sheets, sweep the floor, wipe the floor.. this and that and this and that.. wash toilet, pack the room, this and that and this and that... NEVER ENDING!!... just hate to do such things.

. ARHXX...ARHHHX...arhxX....

stop ordering mii around.. " come and do this for me", "come and do that for me", " where are you now", " why are you so slow", " why is this still not done yet", " why is this still so dirty"... ARHHXXX... just one more nagging i will explode le!!!

lucky manage to spend 2 or 3 hours out with chai min and aunty carol to discuss about cell retreat...it's like "wow", finally manage to breath some fresh air!! ( hope that the cell retreat will have a good turn out..- bev, we miss ya!)

back..

its joyce here to greet you...

we are back in singapore!!

we stayed one night @ Beverly Hills Condo.. I shared a room with Putrina and my two brothers while the two little girls share a room with the two mums..


our room key!



joyce + qiu xuan( the perfect sista*)

we went to this cowboy town and animal world safari..

this is my first time heard of a 4D movie, where you can see, hear, touch, smell and blah blah blah...( but in e end we didnt go there *sob sob*)..

the most unforgottable sight will be the fireworks and the animal show ( especially the elephant!)


the fireworks were just like a beautiful curtain covering the sky.



spot the cowboys??


mii + putrina


mii + bro


..
my fav.. amoy e elephant..(a naughty one indeed, oweas use its trunks to bully us de.. dont know make us fall down how many times le!!..)

but ever since after falling in lurve with the animal planet in the TV, i start to feel bad for these animals who are locked up and trained to perform.. i think i would be happier seeing them stomping around in e wild field bhax!!

family outing..

haha... tml going malaysia with my family- my mum, my sis, my two brothers and our neighbours...
haha.. guess joyce would have a lovely time with qiu xuan bahx... they are close as a sister!!
how i hope i can get this chance to know about her sis.. i dont even know her name by now, just know that she is older than me by 1 or 2 years..

it's a short trip, will be back by friday bahx... then granny will come s'pore, we will have some family gathering again bahx, with my little cousin felice and raydon and aunts and uncles... wouldnt be able to go cell this week le, hope that chai min wld do the worship well!! (: good luck).. how i hope bev is back soon, miss her a dozen!! she has been dispearing, how i hope she will just reappear, back to the bev we know!!... (: miss you lots... be back soon okie??.. will wait for you de!!)

.23 may. e day it started. e little secret imagination. it started with a dream.
.9 mar. a very nice choir song from " one litre of tears"

food??

hiax... dont know why this few weeks have no appetite for food leix... almost everyday eat one meal only, either lunch or dinner....

breakfast?? i don't usualli have the time for breakfast, got to rush to meet friends... or maybe when nothing is going on for the day, i would sleep until maybe 11... and it becomes a "breakfast cum lunch"..

lunch? only when im outside with my friends.. and it is either a mac or kfc...

dinner? ever since my mum seldom cook at home.. i seldom hv a proper dinner le..

cook by ourselves ( too disgusting... most of them are uneatable, tastless)
mum bought us dinner ( always the same old food... sick and tired of it, so i just take a bite and threw away the rest of the food when she's nt looking)
go out to eat on our own ( juz too lazy to go down, sometimes just too engross in doing my stuff... and my brother refuse to go down to buy for mii)

haix... just dun feel like eating much.. haix.. no appetite!!!...im not going on a diet or what... but just dont feel like eating... haix...

food: how i wish to be your friend once again!!

my testimonial...

haha, yea.. we went back to school and collect our testimonial today, its great to be in our uni and go back to sch again, although its only a short 15 min... well, the next time might be when we go and collect our o level result le bahx...

e cca card wrote sth funny too....
we gt 3 " inter- house basketball" recorded!!!- haha, how can this be ?? we don't even know how to dribble a ball properly...haha, basketball?? whahaha....

then the testi also mentions about the cooking competition yunjie and i took part last year.. ( we emerged as CHAMPION somemore!!) wahhaa, looking at that really wanna make me laugh le, we spill e most important ingredient at the last minute, everything becomes a mess, we even had to borrow some left over honeydew from our competiter and sneak out to buy frm canteen... everthing is a chaos, we didint even get to try the desert before we serve.... all we were thinking were : anything lahx... everybody is waiting for us, we got no time to do all the perfecting work le... whatever it tastes, just let it be bhax, we got no more time le..

despite the comments that our friends give, " tasteless", " weird", "funny", " disgusting"( i agree..), we are actually FIRST in the competition. its a surprise... i guess its e its outer appearance ( our presentation), and the nutition level bahx!!... it becomes like some "bueaty food contest", where our unique melon hair style clench the prize!!

hiax, i wouldnt want to participate in such a thing again!!!... (almost gave us a heart attack!!!, however, it comes with a good experience, all the laughter... still can't forget that day!!!)

holidae?

haha, gonna go back sch and collect our testimonial this week le... wonder what will the teacher write about me..

now has 3 main goals to complete by this short december holi.
1. zakarland- to finish e zakarland piano piece!!.. nice song frm final fantasy

2. puzzle- to finish my 1000 piece puzzle which just started yesterday( the one e cell give for my christmas.. grow in e dark de!!.. wonder if it really works, yea.. gt to finsih then know bahx.., wish to try that 3D puzzle, but guess left too little time now le, maybe next year bahx..)




2005( did it with xuan)
2006( grow in dark?)
2007( a 3D one??)

3. books- to finish at least one book a week. ( i really mean it!!... up to now, i finish e "clay marble", " stones in the water"," if i had a wicked stepmother, where is my prince", " amy", "daughters of eve", starting a new book today le!!..

yea... datz all abt my holiday aim!!

im so stupid

stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. im so stupid.... i should hv known it earlier. i really need you. ARRRRHXX.... JUZ LET MI SCREAM: "ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHXX!!".. where are you??

i dont know what do say now, i also dont feel like saying anything. leave mi alone, juz let mi sit down by e playground and stare at the night sky, let the night breeze to carry away my silly thoughts.

juz let empiness fill my mind....

byebye pss.. miss ya owaes

haix... i still remember in e past how i resent pss...( i think most of e ppl do).. but now years hv passed, thinking of leaving sounds sad too... it is the only sch where i spent more than 3 years in, so e relationship is kinda strong too!!... ( haha, juz lyk how i hated my bro, but i cant bear to leave dem too, such an irony)..

all e memories...
scared,bored, excited, happy, joyful, funny,nervous, anxious,worry.. i guess they will never be the same again le...

our class: funished by us only worx!!
only e cupboard... haha, still gt e windows, doors, walls... all done up by our fellow artists... haha...

forgot to tell you how beautiful is e view frm our form class... its a vast landscape of open field, green and soothing to they eyes, if your eyesight is better, you may even see e sea... juz hear e ship honking??



our class photos:

prom night, juz us.. and CIP work... collecting newspaper!!.. fun and memorable..." who is dat ganaguni who stole our newspaper??, we still hven caught him yet.."

yea... it's only that im about to leave you, den i start to treasure... how i wish i had learn to treasure everymoment we had together right from e first day i step into e sch...

tired

i miss saturdae...

another sundae has come.. it means one thing, another week has passed by..sometimes really so sick and tired of studying...seeing the piles of geo worksheets left undone, just too lazy to bother it..

yesterdae we went to Jack's Place for lunch to celebrate my brothers' birthday, haha.. den late for tuition for about 20 minutes!! haha.. at night we had birthdae cake..

yesterday had bibile study abt being thankful. haha... but once reach home totally forgot abt it. the cake tastes really terrible, suppose to be chocolate cheese cake, but it doesnt have any chocolate taste in it, it tastes like orange flavour instead!!..so i was like eating and complaining at the same time.. , its only after finish eating then i suddenly realize " yea, should really thank my mum for the cake, thank God for giving mii a family that is bonded so closely together.. there's such a heart-warming celebration"..

photo taking!!

just enjoy shooting photos these few days.. all the stupid things. guess wad i had for my lunch cum dinner today?


surprise bahx?? this is baoxuan's favourite seat... the green color seats on the bus!! with her hands especially posed for miii!!

dont know why suddenly have the crush on photo taking... it makes me to appreciate everything around me, to be grateful for everything that i have... all the wonderful memories left..., really dont know whether we will all be able to stay contact after all of us graduated, dont know whether will left any good memories of the school...

simply everything, the lift, the door, the iron, my computer... i snaps at them at every opportunity i have!!...

happy brithdae singapore

happy 41 birthday, Singapore!!!... yea, it's showing on the TV LIVE now.. just switch to any channel and you can watch it.

yesterdae went to watch the fire works with ruishan, chai min, alan, wee hsien, wee loon, winnie and kok guan.. its beautiful, but lasted only for abt 10 to 15 minutes.. haha.. it's already very happy to be able to walk down the river near the esplanade in the night.. chatting away and laughing together without worry and anxiety.. for that little moment, all the troubles seem to disappear into that festive night.

yea, national day also marked the last day of our holiday and really work hard for the exams le, the next holiday would be the last day of the O level!!.. Mr. Physics: im begining to love you more and more le because you are so mysterious- there is so much things that i do not know about you!!.. there is so much misunderstanding between the two of us..

haix... my brother stupid de!!!!

hiax... everytime like this de!!!!!... play computer for dont know how long alreadiii... ( as if doing homework horx??? )- everytime use this EXCUSE to use computer PLAY maple.... den act as though very good like dat....

then my turn use computer, will just sit beside and keep a time count down.... i use 15 min.. they use 2 hours.. hiax... poor thing right??? why do i have such brothers.... haix, haix, haix... i wish to have my own computer!! yea... the day is near!!!.......

helpless.hopeless.useless

how i wish i can quickly grow up? at least.. i can contribute abit financially. im so helpless. i could not even do anything to help the dearest people in my life. i wish i can give you whatever i own now.. even the little amout of cash in my bank.

before i know about it, i was full of dreams and aspirations. getting good grades and moving onto a new journey of life- JC/ poly.. to pursue all my dreams and career.. the future seems bright until i find this out. now im so hopeless, my hopes are getting dimmer, i dont dare to hope anymore... then i will be so selfish, having good life on my own and dont even bother about them. i need to help them... i just need!

hai.. i am feeling so useless. i did not even play my part well, i am so far away from them, when they needed me the most. i could not give them my mental support, physical support.. anykind of support. i just cannt give to help them. i could not give them the sense of security. i am of little use to them...

can i play a part too?

home town

mum just came back from taiwan this afternoon.. taiwan.. my homeland. full of memories of childhood.. 6 years nvr seen them le, granny is full of white hair now.. all my cousins who had grow up together with mii changed too. really miss them alot!!! i really hope to visit them, but at the same time also quite worried that there might be some communication breakdown, like dont know what to share.. language might also have a bit of problems. i wonder if they are ever angry with me, for choosing to leaving them that day, i wonder if they will continue to give me the full support like they used too.. so im actually quite afraid to face them... but i really want to keep this family bond, want to thank them for raising mii up, supplying my every need and wants, protecting mii from all dangers.. how i wish i have the chance to express my gratitude to them!!

rush day

guess what time i woke up this morning? 7a.m ... only when baosuan called to ask where am i .. and school is starting at 7.20... haix.. rush and rush and rush, never even had my breakfast, dashing across the road.. then take a cab at the rivervale mall taxi stand..haha.. bt in the end still make it in time!!!! pro bahx??

free periods

today lesson gt so much free periods. geo, physics, and chinese( partially: exam is over, still waiting for the result- should be coming out soon le) and we played cards for almost 3 hours in all!!.. gonnna to be a poker queen soon..
haix.. mr indra quickly come back worx!!!! we need you!!!... my physics is like ehemmm....help!!!

prelim is coming

its another 40 days to o level. about 11 more days to enlgish oral exam. and our chinese result should be coming out soon le bahx.. these few weeks... haix...muz really concentrate le!! hope there will be no distrations..STAY FOCUS!!! whaha...

the concert is really nice. i miss that night. it makes mii recall my last performance on the 13 april with all our band mates. all the times we have been through toghther, the hard times and the trials. its really not easy.. must really work hard and perservere through okie?? really hope to see band to grow better...

thank you for the concert. i really enjoy it very much. in fact, i miss it quite alot!!! just couldnt put that night off my head. really thank you. i had an enjoyable time. hope i didnt cause you any troubles.

meaningless

i hope you understand.. its meaningless. move on. sorry. thank you. be happy.

busy week ahead

next week is really going to be a busy week!!
starting from tomorrow:
saturday: the whole afternoon having tuition, at night going out with friends.
sunday: going bugis with baoxuan to buy her bag.. shop shop.., watch world cup 3rd or 4th placing
monday: early in the morning watch world cup final, mock exam english and math, submission of CME project and English project
tuesday: social study test
wednesdy:phyics test

With the upcoming events, wonder how am i going to complete all my homework, and tasks in time. im already delaying what i am suppose to be done.. thinking of it makes me tired and restless..

poor happy birthdae to myself, cant even get a day of rest
my birthdae wishes for bAO Suan:
listen to bs happy birthdae song
eating with her
going to the concert
watching world cup and ordering mac delivery with her in the middle of the night
hope that she will be happy always
last of all: hope our promise will nvr be broken! [friends forever]

projects and projects

so many projects and tests coming up- English project( School Prom Night), CME project ( haven't even agreed on the topic yet, and the dead line is next mon).. all this needs time and effort and MATERIALs, but she just don't trust me, what can i do? its as if that im e type that will use the computer to play games up till 6 in the morning.. setting password here and there, it just shows one thing- there's just lack of the trust, the communication, understanding.. there's nothing that links between she and mii at ALL.
Go ahead if you want to report to the police, go ahead if you want to put cameras around the house to spy my every movement, go ahead if you want to lock all your rooms, drawers, computers..Go ahead and do whatever you like, after all, this house belongs to YOU right? we are just some irritating strangers staying at YOUR house, we are not even part of it..

how i hope to find a place where i can truely called "home".. where it is filled with love,care and warmth, a sense of belonging and pride. a sense of security and not loneliness and fear. maybe.. all these only exists in my dreams, im going to bring my family, my children a real "HOME".. I will never let them suffer alone in the cold without any support and encouragement, I will never let my "HOME" be a refrigerator where everything in it is just cold, everydae is quarrel, accusations, blaming, complaining..whatever things we do she's always unhappy, for things we did not do, she's also unahppy. yea, the only time she is happy is with that guy, whatever he said is a treasure to her and whatever we say is just rubbish.. MY CHILD, i promise will never let you go through what i am going through now, i will give you a home just like the fairy tales.

[ seeking for a room to restore my soul, my spirit and my energy, im not going to let this rotten home to affect mii by all means!!..]

when guilt and love comes along

the guilt, the love-- how should i react?? i couldnt look at you face to face, but to hide away in tears.

all i felt is guilt: i am a lousy servant.. i didnt do what you wanted mii to do, i let worry and fear rule over/ having full control mii instead of your seed.. in my mind, i wanted to talk to you, but in action.. i just do not dare to speak it out. you must be very disappointed bahx! im so guilty for not being good enough..

yet you give me love: why do you still give mii love, why do you answer my call?? i am not even worthy for all these..

how should i react: when i stand in your presence, i do not dare to look up onto you, i do not dare to see your face, i do not dare to talk to you, i do not dare to go near to you... im full of guilt, too unworthy to be called yours.. all i do is close my eyes to shed my tears, wad should i do? i just couldnt open my eyes to see you, lift up my head to see you.. i just couldnt talk to you, not even "im sorry"... all i heard is mii talking to myself, blaming myself for what i had done.. thinking why do you still bring mii near and answer mii, for that instant second, i was shocked.. i do not know how to react.. i hate myself for not giving my best to you,... in the end, i just couldnt stand it... i run and hide away

i just do not have the ability to speak in front of ppl : that why i quited prefect 2 years ago, that why i do not wish to continue to be a monitress this year.. that why i hated being a librarian and a sectional leader and band... i only mess things up and not helping all.. disappoint all the ppl.. so please please please do not ask mii to lead in any ways...

a hand

haix.. todae lead worship in cell group.. super super super scared niax... almost start to tremble and shiver le!!!.. words just cant flow from my mouth.. i tried to hold the hand of the one sitting beside me, at least it makes feel that i am not alone.. bt it just slip off.. why?? i couldnt find the warmth and the security, the support and the encouragement i found in baoxuan's hand.. i couldnt find the sweetest, the warmest hug i found in yu jie which melts all the worry and fear.. i couldnt find the *blink and the wink* when i scan around the room, i can only find it in band, they didnt hv to do anyting, didnt hv do sae a single word, just give a wink and a blink which lightens up my spirit, knowing that they are there to support and cast all my worry and fear away.. but when i scan around, i only found the stares of disapproving, thank you so much ppl, thank you for the actions that cease all my worry and fear silently.. although we don't it at work, we can feel it.... just simple gestures, holding hands tight together, hugging together, giving a sign of a blink and a wink... its more than enough

school holiday is ending!

this is the last saturday before school starts le!!.. so fast!!!... just finish 3 mock exams this week- e math, physics and chemistry.. haha, but many ppl didnt turn up in the end... haha.. half the hall is empty!!

went bugis with baoxuan yesterday, walk walk walk walk walk and walk walk walk... until very tired!! haha... but bought a watch, a shirt and a pair of mickey mouse earrings.. haha...

hiax... hope can switch back to "school mood" when school reopens, hiax.. dun bear to let holidae to over juz lyk dat!!

wedding sunday

18 june 2006- how many people choose this day for wedding?? i saw at least 3 wedding cars at different time at different places!!... haha..* happy occasion *

(x): going for camp le right?? take care and enjoy worx!!.. will miss you all alot de! :)

HoLiDae------ FLYING AWAY

june holidae- coming to an end soon. this is already the 2nd last week[ the only week that can be called a" holiday"] haha, next week is going to be another busy week!! mock exams after mock exams, extra lessons at least 4 hours a day!...

this week watch 2 movies-:

[omen]- with Chai min, kaserin and Hongyi, *2.5 stars* , its about something like "son of the demon", story line abit like "final destination"... haix, bt i doesnt have a nice ending!

[The Silent Hill]- with Bao xuan, * 3.5 stars* , its a story about a mum finding her daughter in the ruin city- the silent hill.. some scenes are very gross, tearing out the person's skin, burning live peroson to death- the way they burn the withches.. haha, this reminds me of my brother saying wanting to be a "wizard", checking out the books of " How to become a wizard/witch?" haha... wonder how real is wizard and witches in the world?? black magics and witchcrafts?? -scarii thoughts- : dont ever get near such stuffs.. haha, i wouldnt want a wizard in my house!!!! wahhahaha.... stay away..............

a rainy day

just now had a heavy rain, even my umbrella is of little use.. by the time i reach home is all wet. it's not a good experience, have you tried walking alone, holding on to the weak umbrella that is going to be blown away at anytime, shivering and trembling in cold, listening to the harsh cry of the wind, everything before you is blurry.. ??

hi little kitten, took a few photos for you, hope to see you next week. Take care, and stay away from naughty people and bullies!

AGAINST

she is just purely against the idea, against the belief that i had strongly rooted in my heart. she had never show any concern for my study, it's only till i ask her about going to church on sunday then she come up with excuses saying that " you need more time to study, your examinations are coming. it takes up too much of your time", OR things like "you are just being BRAINWASHED." She would rather me to go shopping with friends the whole day, spending money the whole day, rather than to allow me to go to church for just a few hours." wait till you are 21 years old, when you are more mature to make decisions for yourself "

WHY WHY and WHY?? WHAT DID I DO to make her so against the idea?? it seems that i had never been good enough in her mind before, everything i did is wrong. She has never been satisfied with with my actions. What wrong did i do??i know sometimes im lazy, but that doesnt mean i dont care.( to her, im just a selfish, irresponsible creature). i know sometimes i gets moody, but i had never vented my anger on her, i had never vent it on her properties, i had never broke a glass just because i was angry.[is this really so unaccptatble?? does she know that im already trying my best to bewhat she wanted? i CANT be PERFECT. can she understand this?] other then these, i don't cause her any trouble in school, i don't ask her for things, for extra money( which i obviously needed). Is all parents like this?? *honour your parents* it's so difficult. such a difficult situation, choosing between God and parents, both are important yet they can't exist together. If i choose God first, my relationship with mumii suffers.(Reverse is true). Can somebody help me? Who in this world can convince my mummi?

i told you so!

haha... i told you so!!!. since mummi is back, will have problems to use computer le... haha, that why so long never come update le... all most a week le bahx. we are back to the one week update once basis le!!..

holiday is flying pass.. two weeks gone!!.. can you imagine that? still got so much homeworks left undone and all of my holiday plan had not come true yet, i have'nt even watch a single movie yet!! how can??

"sistaship"- what is a sista?? i cannt promise you i can be your good sista anymore, i do not dress the same way as you do, i do not buy the same shoe as you, i do not make the same specs with you.. if you mean "sista" is having everything alike, im afraid i cant make a good sista to you..losing my style, my personality and to be customised to the way you want...but i can promise one other thing to you, although i can't make a good sista, but i will make a good friend to you de... we will share, we will talk, we will play, we will work, we will continue to have all the fun toghether!!.. nothing is gonna to change, onli the NAME is gonna to change... haha..

band camp(7,8 june): stayed for camp fire(my first time campfire in school) and overnight.. camp fire is so so, dun know many of the songs, haha, but thats not the important thing. i get to keep touch with all the juniors once again, i played my clarinet ( i miss the touch of the instrument and the sound of clarinet!!) walking around in the school in the middle of the night ( to our discovery,90% of our school light is not working at all!!) drinking hot milo, cocacola, playing cards, doing magics!! sleeping used to be my hobby de, but that night things go opposite way, sleeping make mii ache all over( this position make my spine pain, turning around make my neck pain...pain pain pain all over!!).. thatz when we have come up with many many plans, using mani chairs to build a bed, borrowing one table here and the other there to join into a bed.. many methods..each method like sleep for a few hours... haha... i don't know sleeping can be such a difficult chore!!..
the next day heard about their rank promotion, heard that our sectional leader is a flutist..hmmm, weird, first time is history bahx...
BAND: jia you bahx... no matter whatever challenges comes along.. face it mightily, overcome them all!! all the best to all band members!!

HaPPY birthday

happy birthday ju siang!!.. haha, may all your dreams come true and God bless!!..have a wonderful day ahead!! hee...

mummi coming back soon le.. so don't know when will be the next time i will be able to blog again.. sad right?? i will realli miss this one week of fun and adventure de!!..

a week of freedom

FREEDOM!!... is what i have always long for.. well, the dreams come true for a week.. hee... mummi is in australia and brothers are all in Malaysia!!

problem no. 1:"oh, how can i spend the night peacefully with myself alone in the dark?" *my fear= lonliness+darkness*
solution no. 1:" trusting in the Lord faithfully"- borrowed a bk abt spiritual warfare and fight the battle mightly with the devil

problem no. 2:" i am super super lazy, no more nice and delicious food lay before me?? *hungry!!*"
solution no. 2: - going "ta bao" with baoxuan
- cooking maggie mee
- eating hotdog
- eating dumplings
- baoxuan and jaslyn cooking for dinner!! ( yummi)
- skip!

problem no. 3: no more "alarm clock( mummii)".. gonna be late for school le!!! ( late for 20 min on the 1st day of remedial)
solution no. 3 : -baoxuan giving morning call(better method)
-setting 2 or 3 alram ( usualli no use either)

problem no. 4: nobodii is cleaning the house ( as i hv told you, i am super super lazy).. iron the clothes, washes the clothes, vaccuum the floor blah blah blah... without mum, the house is in a mess!!
solution no. 4:- NO CHOICE-DIY
- spring cleaning before they back in singapore bahx!

problem 5,6,7,8,9,.... blah blah blah...
so much problems!!! bt not forgetting the benefits!!
- TV IS MINE!!.. i can watch whatever show i like @ whatever channel@ whatever time..( no more fighting with brother for TV le!!)
- COMPUTERS!! ... i can online whenever i like, unlike when my mummi is back, use computer also have so much condition( do this first, do that first), like onli once or twice per week and each time like onli 1 to 2 hrs... what can i do?? now, computer is completely under my control!! muahahha...
- MY FREEDOM!! ... i can go wherever i want, back at any hour.. nobody is goin to nag and scold le.. haha, im so happii, totally happy.. went crazii!! able to go to every church activities, from cell group to sunday service to shopping of bookstores to bible study to sunday service to global day of prayer... a chain of church activities!!.. it has been so long since i realli totally experience the Lord, finding pure joy in Him.. *sweet as honey*

hai hai hai... all coming back on monday afternoon le... my one week of adventure has come to an end le.. also dun noe if it is a good news or bad news.. both good and bad bahx!! i realli miss the times when i can truely go to church and sing praises and worship Him with all my heart, with no worry deep inside, i would nt have to make difficult deciscions like " join cell grp or bible study"? i would miss the fun so much, i wonder when will the next happy moment come... once they are back, everything is gonna be back to normal le..

mummi ah mammi: can you just give me abit more of freedom??
1. let me have control over computer ( i will hv self-controlled de!! i will know when to play and when to stop de..)
2. let me go to church ( it's onli in the weekend. i will finish all my works before de, i will bring good testimony home de)
- a caged bird-

once a month bhax?

hii... im BACK.. at least i blog once a month right??hee... cause this few weeks quite busy with the chinese "O"level paper...*don't talk abt it le* result come then say bahx! holidae?? gt no more holidae le, still have so much of homeworks and everything to do.. ermz... see how much i can list bhax:

homeworks:
-Amath tys- 100 to 120 questions
-physics workbk- 6 chapters
-physics tys- about 40 questions
-geography worksheet- 1
-social study worksheet- 2
-english worksheet- 2?

projects:
-social study project- ministry of community developement, youth and sports

mock exams:
-eng: paper 1 & 2
-social study
-geography
-e. math: paper 1 & 2
-physics: paper 2
-chemistry: paper 2

ahem!! you see what i mean?? my holiday aim: finish every single one of my tasks!!

half a year gone

time is flying so fast... it's going to be june soon, another half a year is gone again.. ( means nearer and nearer to o level exam).. yet im still at the same standard.. cannt even score well for mid year exam. by the way, the results are not all out yet, so maybe dere's a little hope..

i realli miss some of the old friends alot alot!! how?? it has been about 3 years le, still couldnt forget all the fun and experiences we had, i looked through all their photo in friendster from 12 am to now about 3.20am. i feel like miss out alot of fun that they had, many of them have changed in their appearance, many becomes more pretty and handsome. haha.. all the laughter and all the tears we had together,i wonder how many of them remembers?? afterall, they can still have their fun while im gone, but i cannt find back as much as i had lost now. hee.. but i do really treasures them!

ThailanD excahnge programme

everyday i look forwards to Saturdae, it is the day to cast out all the stress to God, to praise Him, to serve Him with all the adorable kids. Its the happiest day of the week! i lurve saturdae..

thailand students just went back today, although i don't really knows them well, but i still thinks that this is an enriching activity that the school has provided. i wish to have known more foreign friends, to cultivate a wider circle of friendship and to learn and excahnge informations, interests, cutlures with each other. wish there will be more chances!

long time no blog

Dear bloggie,
i dun mean to abandon you, its just that i have lesser times to come and visit you. but just to tell you that you are always my best friend, who listens to me when i needed you.. who expressed all my feelings!! sorry... i promise i will come and visit you as often as i can

haix... these year is a tough year, O level!!.. muz start preparing earlier, especially when my foundation is not so good. To tell you the truth bahx, i onli get to use computer about 2 times a week bahx.. and datz usually in the weekends. so cannt hv the time to visit you everydae like others! haix... you got to understand my situation worx... haha..

-this sudden blue-

Feeling down? Got the blues? You're not alone. Everyone gets sad. Yes, everyone you've ever met. Some people have sad feelings just once in a while, and others may have sad feelings pretty often. More than half of teenagers go through a sad period at least once a month and plenty of younger kids do, too.
When you're in a sad mood, it may feel like it will last forever, but usually feelings of sadness don't last very long - a few hours or maybe a day or 2. A deeper, more intense kind of sadness that lasts a lot longer is called depression (say: dih-preh-shun).
What Is Sadness?Sadness is a feeling - it's one of the many normal human emotions, or moods, we all have. Sadness is the emotion people feel when they've lost something important, or when they have been disappointed about something, or when something sad has happened to them or to someone else. When they're lonely, people often feel sad.
When you're sad, the world may seem dark and unfriendly. You might feel like you have nothing to look forward to. The hurt deep inside may crush your usually good mood.
Sadness makes you feel like crying, and sometimes the tears are hard to stop. Crying often makes you feel better.
Sometimes when your mood is sad, you just feel like being alone for a little while. Or you might want someone to comfort you or just keep you company while you go through the sad feeling. Talking about what has made you sad usually helps the sad feeling melt away.
When sadness starts to go away, it can feel like a heavy blanket is being lifted from your shoulders.

http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/thought/sadness.html

sad right?? feeling lonely and sad.. having no one to talk to, to share.. only can find articles from the internet to cheer myself up.. to relate my problems to similar situation and emotions!! haha.. -this sudden blue-

soo soo long le... it has been months

haha... it has been months since i last updated my blog...haha.. this time come update because i knew one more new friend!! horray.. Gerline.. haha, joined our cell group todae..yea, a pretty and cheerful girl.. easy going and friendly!! yea.. new company, great!! (especially when bev and chai min is nt here.. i thought i might so so and so bored)!! i also get to know rui shan better.. in the past seldom talk to her one, bt todae we can actually quite alot, and laught with them so hard... haha!! also praise the Lord that Gerline has accepted Christ!!... it's so great to get to bond well with my cell group!! hope to see more and more ppl coming in..