when guilt and love comes along

the guilt, the love-- how should i react?? i couldnt look at you face to face, but to hide away in tears.

all i felt is guilt: i am a lousy servant.. i didnt do what you wanted mii to do, i let worry and fear rule over/ having full control mii instead of your seed.. in my mind, i wanted to talk to you, but in action.. i just do not dare to speak it out. you must be very disappointed bahx! im so guilty for not being good enough..

yet you give me love: why do you still give mii love, why do you answer my call?? i am not even worthy for all these..

how should i react: when i stand in your presence, i do not dare to look up onto you, i do not dare to see your face, i do not dare to talk to you, i do not dare to go near to you... im full of guilt, too unworthy to be called yours.. all i do is close my eyes to shed my tears, wad should i do? i just couldnt open my eyes to see you, lift up my head to see you.. i just couldnt talk to you, not even "im sorry"... all i heard is mii talking to myself, blaming myself for what i had done.. thinking why do you still bring mii near and answer mii, for that instant second, i was shocked.. i do not know how to react.. i hate myself for not giving my best to you,... in the end, i just couldnt stand it... i run and hide away

i just do not have the ability to speak in front of ppl : that why i quited prefect 2 years ago, that why i do not wish to continue to be a monitress this year.. that why i hated being a librarian and a sectional leader and band... i only mess things up and not helping all.. disappoint all the ppl.. so please please please do not ask mii to lead in any ways...