OoO.. It isnt any other simple choice, it is= giving up tons of important things in my life
yea, i should be happy.. years and years of bottled up stuffs-[ all my anger+ sadness + fruastrations+ disapointment, hurt] are once and for all broken.. no more hiding, no more pretending, no more acting as some idiot out there, just to please them, hoping that i could be part of them, hoping that ppl would care to notice my presence.. i can be myself once again!! to have the right to be myself all over again, no more a clown, no more a nobody, i want to be able to stand up tall and tell myself confidently and proudly that "i am lanli" LANLI- a name that ought to be respected, not a name to be mock at, to laugh at.. im gonna to make "LANLI" a beautiful name..
bt it isnt this simpe- i cant imagine how i will go on, what other consequences i would face, other than a set of a very very very long friendship.. in fact, the longest friendship i have ever lasted bahx... giving up it, its simply difficult, after trying for years and years to be nice to them, to be friendly approachable, to bring up things to discuss with them, trying to stay connected with them, to be part of them, bt now?? getting sick and tired of it.. finding it useless act... i feel like i hv wasted every of my effort, i hv fail something which i hv tried sooo hard to achieve... and most importantly, God! is my relationship with You gonna to suffer becuase of this? is this risk too big, is it worth it?? i doubt soo... Lord, would you hv a path for mii? show mii the way that is gonna be good to all... is there suppose to be some kind of solution? or can i juz do by avoiding the problem, hiding the problem away 1st..
since that day, nothing is gonna to be the same with us ever again... i wish all of you a merry chiristmas!
No comments:
Post a Comment